I stood up today and gave testimony of my God as I worshiped him this morning. We sang "Sometimes a Light Surprises" by William Cowper, and I was able to stand up and sing every thought with every ounce of my heart because it tells of a God who I have gotten to know this week. My friend told me that he got the goosebumps watching me sing, because he knew how real the words I was singing were to me. That's what I wanted. I wanted my friends to worship God more intently today with me because they knew my cirumstances. If God can be that real to me during this dark time, then He shows himself that real to everyone else. He is such a magnificant God.
I hurt. Nothing can change that fact. My stomach growls, yet I'm not hungry. I miss him. That's all there is to it. I am lonely without him. Sure, I have friends; lots of them--lots of wonderful friends. But I am still lonely without him. I am always a little bit better when I stay busy. But yet, I don't want to stay so busy that I ignore the pain. That is not healthy. I just have to trust God and do right and everyting else will fall into place. I need not worry. But I do need still to hurt. Let me grieve, let me cry, let me miss him, only let me do these things in the arms of God.
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