I am so happy. I can hardly help but smile! It doesn't seem to make sense. God has taken everything away from me, yet I am exceptionally happy and joyful. There is only one way to explain it: God has taken everything out of my cup so He could fill it up, and overflow it with joy. I have been so blind to the reality of God for a long time. Through the circumstances He has brought me through, He has shown Himself so real to me, and my heart overflows with praise and thankfulness. I have found myself again. I am my joyful, exuberant self again. I forgot who I was. And now I remember. I am in such a bright, luscious place right now. I never want to leave this place ever again. I can honestly say that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me! That is so weird to say, but it's true. It woke me up. And I can't thank my wonderful Savior enough!
I can still see myself with him. I have no hope in that, but I can see us together. However, I am not willing to be in that relationship if it forces me back into that dark place. I refuse to go back there. If it is possible to spend the rest of my life with him and stay in this wonderful, beautiful place, then I would be the happiest girl on earth. To have both would be a miraculous gift. But if I have to choose between the two, I pick the joy over him. And as time passes, I pray that God will rid me of my feelings for him. I know that I am in the center of God's will right now, and that is such a liberating feeling. And if God allows him to stand with me in the center of His will, wonderful. If not, then I am fully convinced that He has something so much better in mind. I love him so much that I am willing to let him go. I love him so much that my sole desire for him is that he will find the one person that will be the absolute best for him. If that person is me, then I will feel honored and undeserving, but if that person is not me, then I am happy to be seperate from him so God can put that right person in his path. I am so excited to see how God will work out both of our lives.
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