Day 6

I have been encouraged by the character of God! It is such a liberating feeling. No, the hurt is not less painful; just...less important. I find myself walking today with my head up, and a slight smile on my face because I have found my main desire: my desire is to hold His hand and let Him lead me out of this dark place. I felt the comfort of His hand before, but I was too afraid to move. I am actually excited about the prospect of a different life. I am confused by my excitement. I must have learned how to lean hard on my Father. I am excited to see just how bright and brilliant the place is that He is leading me to! And though we are still following a path that is full of darkness, I know it is the path that leads out of this dark place. I have found that hope. A hope for an amazingly brilliant place. That hope rests in my God.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him."

Job 13:15

I have a sense of peace. What scares me about that is I have a glimmer of hope and assurance inside of a restored relationship with him. I don't know where it came from though and I can't think that. I can't have hope in that. My hope should rest solely on God. But I am not going to lie to myself either and try to tell myself that that feeling is not there. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know whether to try to squelch it; just to ignore it, and maybe it will go away? I don't know whether or not to give it relevance in my mind...I just don't know. I talked to a mutual friend last night who told me that my exfiance is not doing as well as he appears to be. It comforts me in a way to know that it is as hard for him. But another part of me is worried about him. I am concerned for his wellbeing.