Day 29

How am I doing? I don't even know how to answer that question anymore. To be frank, I am depressed and am hardening inside. I don't want either of these responses, and by the exceeding abundant grace of my God, He will rescue me out of my despair and will keep me soft and open. Hardening helps the pain, but I know that when this phase of my life is over, my hardened soul will be much more harmful than the pain that infiltrates my shattered heart now. Ya know, in reality, God has revealed the mystery of His will to me. I wan't God's will in my life, and I am blind to see this as God's revelation. What a comforting thought. Through the "riches of His grace, which He lavished upon me, in all wisdon and insight, He made known to me the mystery of His will, according to His purpose." God is good to me and I fail to see that for the wall of pain stands in my way. At least I know now that His will exists on the other side of this wall. I gives me incentive to break through the wall to get to the goodness on the other side. It also gives me a patience to know that no matter how long it takes me to get through the wall, His consistent will will stay there for me until I cn make it to the other side. I feel like I am running full strength forward, as hard as I can, but the emensely strong wind is not only holding me from going forward, but it is pushing me backwards. It exhausts me, and I feel like I will not be able to fight much longer. I will strive to, however, and God will give me just enough strength to get through. I know He will.