Day 16

I have so many questions in my mind about contentment and satisfaction. My main question is this: Where is the balance between desire and contentment? I know I am content in Christ. Christ is my satisfaction because I can never be fully satisfied without Him. However, it is not necessarily sin to want or desire something. Even if that desire is just a closer walk with God, it is still a desire--a craving--for something you don't have. So where is the balance between wanting something and being fully content? Something within me thinks that you can do both--be fully satisfied with Christ, yet have a desire for something you lack. I desire God's will in my life more than anything else, yet I desire to have *my ex* . I desire God's will more than *my ex*, however, so does that communicate full contentment? Is it wrong for me to desire to have him? I know I can't have him, so I am fine with that, because I know God has a reason for taking him away. However, it doesn't change the fact that I still want him. That desire is still in my heart, even though I don't want him if he is not good for me. I want God, and if I can't have both, then I choose God. But I want both. So is that a lack of contentment? Or am I satisfied with Christ because I desire Him over *my ex*? I don't have the answer. I wish I did.

"God is as much in my life in peril as He is in prosperity."

"I am the God of both the mountains and the valleys; of both the sunshine and the darkness."


Like Joseph, when I am in an unhappy place, I need to pour myself out into the needs of others, despite my feelings, instead of wallowing in self pity; instead of being blinded by the consumption of my own trying circumstances.

"Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God."
~Isaiah 50:10

Someone told me today that I needed to love the circumstance that God put me in. Embrace it. But can I not thank God for a circumstance without loving that circumstance? Do I have to love the place I am in order to love God for putting me there? I love that God has me where He wants me, but I do not love the place itself. Is that wrong? I love that my parents cared enough to spank me as a child, but I do (or did) not love the spankings themselves. How can I love a circumstance that I hate? I can be thankful for it, but do I have to love it? Is that necessary?