Day 21

Not being with *him* doesn't just feel different, it feels wrong. I really believe God wants us together and it is very difficult to say that that is not so when I truly believe it. This weekend was the first time I was with my whole family without him. It is just not right without him there. He is the other part of me, and without him I don't even feel like myself. When we're in the same room together I can feel his presence so strongly. It's like our souls stretch out toward each other, but because we are pulling them back so hard, they cannot quite meet. It is a constant, painful battle. I am begging God to take my feelings for *him* away. I feel like they are even stronger. I dread getting up in the morning. I dread facing yet another day without *him*. I dread every moment of not having him. I don't want to share that level of intimacy with anyone else. I want him. I need him. and I can't have him. I want to be his. I want to be everything to him, and I can't be anything to him. I must force myself to have faith that God has a perfect plan that is good for me. I know this in my mind, but I struggle to accept it in my heart.